Who's Pulling Cat

It's a classic David and Goliath story. When it first emerged that "cheeky Geordie funsters" Ant and Dec would be pitting themselves against the might of Live And Kicking, no one gave them a snowball in hell's chance. And who was this sidekick, Cat Deeley? Where did she spring from?
A year and a half later, things are very different. Ant and Dec are fast becoming media moguls, Cat's a star in her own right and 1999 has seen the trio gradually becoming the only way to cope with your Saturday hangover. Thanks to such memorable TV fare as Wonkey Donkey and a more "adult" approach to kids' humour (which has on occasion resulted in slapped wrists), SMTV/CD:UK has now overtaken Live And Kicking's viewing figures. It's official: Ant and Dec, and Cat are the kings and queen of Saturday morning telly. All hail!

You've overtaken Live And Kicking. How does it feel?
Ant: Great. It's the first time ITV's beaten the Beeb in the ratings war on a Saturday morning for decades.

Would you put it down to you being brilliant or them being crap?
Ant: (Laughing) I don't know. Basically, we decided not to copy them. We wanted to do more of a comedy show, rather than sitting down and having a vet on or talking about asthma.

Or pretending to talk into phones that clearly don't work...
Ant: Yeah, exactly.
Dec: It's not been an overnight thing. Our viewing figures go up in a steady climb while theirs have gone in a steady decline - and that started last Christmas when Zoe and Jamie were still there.
Cat: We can't look back at the first shows now, though, can we? We're like, eurggh! (Cringes).
Dec: It was dismal.
Cat: I'm amazed we weren't taken off air.

Wonkey Donkey had a few teething problems - the kids didn't get the concept of rhyme.
Ant: Dec shouts at them so much that they don't even try to guess any more. You just hear this strangled noise on the other end of the phone.
Dec: (Ranting) But why bother to ring in? I just don't understand it. It was in the first show - soggy moggy was the very first one we ever did - and they STILL haven't got a grasp of it. Ooo, chicken? Er, fat chicken? It has to rhyme, dipshit!

What's the rudest thing you've ever said on air and got away with?
Cat: There are loads.
Dec: The thing is, if we tell you all of them...
Cat: We'll get in trouble. That's how the ITC thing happened.

ITC thing?
Ant: ITC monitor what you say on TV and if they decide it's too lewd, you can get fined.
Dec: It's a bit like a footballer - you get two yellow cards and then you're off air.
Cat: Yeah, we've had the first card. It was for showing this Montel Jordan video which was a bit too sexy. And for promotion of prizes..
Ant: For some reason I said Action Man about 17 times - and you're only allowed to say it twice. Apart from that I think we were just being crude.

What did you actually say?
Dec: We had a bowl of custard and we started singing: "Come drink my love custard."

What about you, Cat? Have you said anything naughty?
Ant: She always gets away with it.
Cat: I said something about a big one the other day...
Dec: The thing is, me and Ant come with baggage. the ITC have been watching us for years, trying to get us! I imagine them like sweaty New York cops, all sitting around going: "One slip-up and I'm gonna nail them!"
Ant: Yeah, it goes right back to that time on the BBC when we shaved that kid's hair off.
Dec: And saying we'd like to give Katy Hill one.

Didn't you make a slight mistake with the pronunciation of Fat Les on CD:UK?
Dec: Yeah, that was me, I said: "Here they are - the fat lezzas in action!"

Ant and Dec - got any plans to return to the pop arena. Taking Cat with you, perhaps?
Cat: The nearest we got to it was when it was Eurovision and we did a Bucks Fizz sketch, with me ripping their trousers off. It was fine when we practised it in rehearsal, but then the wardrobe girl put loads more velcro on their trousers, so I could hardly get them off.
Dec: She was yanking away for hours.
Cat: Oh stop it!
Ant: She likes a good yank.

Don't worry, I was going to ask about Huey Fun Lovin' Criminal later.
Dec: Someone from a record company was in the other week and he came up and said: "So have you three ever thought of releasing a record? Give me a call if you do, here's my card."
Cat: I've been offered four record contracts. I sang at school but not any more
Dec: That never stopped us.

Would you fellas be up for taking over the Radio One brekkie slot?
Dec: To be honest, even if they did offer it to us, I don't think we'd do it. Too much pressure. Not to mention all those early mornings.
Ant: Moyles will get it. In fact, the first we heard about being in the frame was reading it in Sky. I was like, "Dec, look! We're 8-1. I was going to have 20 quid on us."

Who's been your favourite guest in '99?
Cat: We had a show with the guy who invented Bagpuss, which was brilliant. And the whole crew had pictures taken with Bagpuss. We had Blondie on the same show, and she was ace.
Dec: I couldn't tell them apart.

What's been the high point of the year?
Dec: Just the buzz, people in pubs coming up and remembering bits of the show.
Cat: The funniest thing was Keith from the Prodigy being a fan of Splatoon. Gail Porter got up to come on the show and Keith rolled over and said, "Go slow and you'll score points."
Ant: We've got Jay Kay coming on. He doesn't want to perform or do interviews, he just wants to be on Chums (Friends spoof). That's brilliant.

What's the funniest moment on the show?
Dec: For me it has to be Father's Day. We got kids to ring in and email the most embarrassing things their dads do. And there was one of them whose dad farts in the biscuit tin and then offers it round to the kid's mates.

So tell us, Cat, what actually happened with you and Huey?
Cat: Erm, lovely guy, lot of fun. that's it.

Ant and Dec, you've both got girlfriends right?
Both: Yes.

And you don't live together any more?
Both: No.

Why not. Were people talking?
Dec: They still do. (Mock Cockney accent) Raving poofs, aren't they, eh? No, it was just that at the time we were renting down here...

You might want to re-phrase that...
Ant: House renting! House renting! Nothing else
Dec: Anyway we decided to buy a house each.
Cat: Next door to each other, I might add.

What does the year 2000 hold for you?
Dec: Another eight months of SMTV. Maybe a third series. And we're also doing a series called Friends Like These for the BBC in january.
Cat: I'm doing a Deeley Does show for ITV.

Finally, Cat. You and Emma Ledden, in a boxing ring. Who comes out the winner?
Ant: Definitely Cat - she's a brute! The amount of times she's injured the pair of us.
Cat: We have to do these stunt hits and I always get a bit carried away.
Dec: There's nothing more Cat likes than to be bashed about the ring.
Cat: (Oblivious to the lewd connotations) In a pair of tight shorts.
Ant: Don't worry, Dec, I got it.
Cat: Oh, stop it. I know what you're saying. Emma's a friend of mine from MTV so...
Ant: (Letchily) I tell you what, Cat, couldn't you just have a fight like Painted Ladies on Live TV?
Cat: Stop it! Now. Or else!

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