Easy Tiger

It's 11.30 on Saturday morning and backstage at SM:tv/CD:UK, there's a carnival atmosphere. The original dream team of Ant, Dec and Cat are together again for the first time since the beginning of the summer - and you can tell they're loving' it. In the backstage coffee bar, various celebs wander past, invariably flanked by an entourage of dancers and hangers-on. There's a flawless Kylie Minogue, who puts on the sexiest high-kicking cabaret performance hangover TV ever witnessed. There's Richard Ashcroft, who's surprisingly short, and surprisingly smiley and friendly. And there's a bewildered-looking Finley Quaye, who's got hair like a late-70s Kevin Keegan and resembles a tramp. Later on, "Mad" Max Beesley pops in for a schmooze while girlfriend Mel B is upstairs having her make-up done.
Yes, it's all go. And amidst the panic, screaming pre-pubescents and frantic girls with clipboards, we find an amazingly calm, collected Cat Deeley. Still the sunshine girl of past SKY interviews, with an easy smile and ready chitchat about her recent holidays, but older and wiser now. With a new steely confidence.
"The thing about Cat," says Declan Donnelly when SKY collars him in the corridor, "is she always looks calm and collected - even when she's pissed. When we first started working with her she'd never really done live TV before and she was quite naive professionally. After all the weeks of preparation, just as we were about to do the first show, she said, 'You know on Saturday with the show? Well, my nan lives in Birmingham... will it be on in Birmingham?' From that innocence she displayed two years ago, she's really grown up as a presenter. She's shit-hot now."
Indeed. TV pundits reckon this will be Cat's final series of the triumphantSM:tv/CD:UK doublw whammy, before she departs for bigger and better things. For the past two years she's been quietly learning her trade, keeping a low tabloid profile and studiously avoiding the trap some female presenters have fallen into of overexposure - both in terms of gossip column inchs and photo-shoot flesh. Now firlmy established, she's poised on the brink of TV mega-stardom.
This is all no accident. Don't be fooled by the blondeness and Bubbly Personality^TM. Cat's got four A-levels, oodles of professional nous, and her eye firmly on the prize. Even her first break was down to clever manipulation of her situation as much as good looks and charm...
"Cat really stitched us up in her audition," explains Dec. "Before she came in, she asked a mutual mate of ours if she new any embarrassing stories she could use on us. As it happens, me and Ant had got pissed in a Chinese restaurant the week before and had given loads of abuse to this French bloke who was there with his girlfriend. When cat came in for the audition she pretended to be the girlfriend. She was like, 'Actually we've met before. I was really disappointed in the way you two behaved.' Me and Ant went totally crimson and were like, 'Oh God, we're so sorry' And then at the end she goes, 'Yaaah! Only joking' We went to the producers afterwards and said: 'We don't want to see anybody else. She's perfect!'"

Come Monday, two mornings later, Cat's in her agent's office excitedly sifting through a pile of designer clothes sent over for that evening's TV Quick Awards. "I definitely won't be wearing anything as skimpy as Kelly Brook wore to the Snatch premiere," she laughs. "I don't want anyone seeing my knickers." In the end she chooses a long red Tommy Hilfiger dress (and later picks up the award, along with Ant and Dec, for Best Children's TV Programme).
Once Cat's ensconced with crisps and sandwiches, the interview commences. As always, she's on top form, laughing about a certain star who made a pig's ear of his lip-synching on CD:UK and apparently "could do with a wash" - though asked whether this comment is on the record, she lets out a horrified gasp and hisses, "No, no, I'll get into trouble!" Tape recorder switched on, she asks what I thought of the show...

Well, I was amazed at how small some of the kids in the audience were.
Yeah, that's just to make Ant and Dec look taller.

Do any of them ever wet their pants?
No, but one fainted and took out a whole lighting rig. And we've had a couple who've got really excited and puked. It doesn't help that they give them sweets all morning to keep them happy. there was one time when we were standing under a balcony and this kid above us was going mental. All of a sudden she leans over - not towards us, thank God - and pukes. The cue-card girl's underneath her and there's all this puke raining down. She was like, "Fucking hell!" Never work with kids or animals, as they say. Still, if she'd puked on us it would have been a great television moment.

Is it good to be working with Ant and Dec again?
Yeah, of course. It was nice to do the show with Emma (Bunton) and we had a great time, but it's also nice to have your team back together.

Didn't you have an altercation with Mel B over a funny gesture you made behind Emma's back on TV?
No, no. Basically I don't have a problem with any of the Spice Girls either individually or collectively. There was... a discussion. But there was nothing on my part whatsoever.

So she had a go at you.
There was a discussion. Anyway, it's totally cool now. Mel B was in the studio on Saturday and there was no friction at all.

Let's play a game. Put the following in order of fanciability: Dermot, Finley Quaye, Richard Ashcroft and Vernon from FBI.
Richard Ashcroft is tippety-top, definitely. Then dermot, he's a funny dude. Then Vernon, then Finley.

Poor old Finley. Anything to do with his dishevelled appearance?
No, I just wouldn't like my boyfriend going around getting smacked in the eye when we're out together. I don't like displays of violence.

Are you referring to the scrap he had with Goldie's cousin over Gail Porter?
Yeah. I was there. To be honest, Finley wasn't at all to blame. He was defending a lady's honour.

You saw it then? So was it a proper punch-up?
Yeah, he had to go to casualty and have stitches in his eye. Anyway, enough about that.

You're presenting the Tv Hits Awards in front of 10,000 people with dermot. Quite a triumph to be chosen with him, seeing as he's currently the male presenter tipped for big things.
Actually it's not the first time we've been put up for stuff together (she allegedly turned down a co-presenting job on The Dog's Balaerics).

Is there another programme you might do together, then?
Could be. Several in fact. We always get put together.

Is there a chemistry?
I guess so. When you respect someone there's always a chemistry. I think he's so talented. Very funny, very articulate. Sometimes he uses these words and I'm like, "Where are you hiding your dictionary?" I think it's a nice combination.

He just needs to get some shoes with big heels.
Bless him. I'm so tall, that's the problem. I always forget. I wear heels all the time.

Should Joey choose Dawson or Pacey?
I'm a big Pacey fan. Much more than Dawson. I find Dawson pretty wet.

Do you go for bad boys?
I guess so. I guess I like them a bit rough around the edges - like you need to take them home and give them a good scrub.

You've moved to Belsize Park, just down the road from the boozer frequented by Chris Evans and Chris Moyles. Have you been for a drink with them?
I have, yes. We had a lock-in. Which is always a terrible idea - time just passes. I met Frank Skinner in there. He was lovely. I was really pleased to meet him because he was really nice to my brother once. Before I got into TV, my brother was in a greasy spoon called Mr egg in birmingham with all his mates and Frank Skinner walks past. They saw him and banged on the window going: "Frank! Frank! Come and have a chip butty with us." And he did! He came in and had a chat and everything. So I like him a lot. That's what I like to think people think about me - that I'd go for a chip butty with them.

If you were a cartoon character which one would you be?
I was a cartoon character. I was Johhny Bravo's dream woman. I loved doing it. Now I want a cameo on The Simpsons.

What's your favourite Simpsons episode?
"Mary Poppins". (Eats a mouthful of crisps) It's brilliant. At the end she's rising up in the air and they're going: "Goodby Mary Poppins..." and a plane takes her out. Ha ha... Oh sorry, I just spat out a piece of crisp.

Who should be the next Big Breakfast presenters?
I think Dermot and... (laughs) ME. No, no, not me.

Would you do it?
I don't know.

Could you cope with the hours?
This is the thing. I don't know if I could because I'd have to go to bed at 8.30 every night, even at weekends. I'm 23 - I don't want to have absolutely no social life. I can always go and do that kind of thing some other time. I don't feel like, oh my God, I must have everything right away. As they always say, your career's a marathon, not a sprint.

Has the Big Breakfast job ever been offered to you?
Errr... it's... well, not really, no... um... (her agent starts vigorously shaking her head across the room). No. No, no, no it never has.

Have you got a boyfriend?
I'm not going out with anybody right now.

You've always kept a low profile on the relationship front - apart from Huey from Fun Lovin' Crims.
Yes I have, because it freaks me out when people know more than you about what you're up to - like your aunts and uncles, nan and grandad.

I thought you had it pretty easy on that front.
Yeah, but I've been a smart girl about it. I don't find it particularly tasteful to start going out with one celebrity man after another. Just because they're a celebrity doesn't mean they're a better person.

When was the last time you snogged someone?
God, about four months ago.

A celeb?
No.

Do you ever worry that your ultra-busy career means you can't relax and enjoy relationships?
To be honest, I'm not that kind of person anyway. Even before I did any of this, I was never one to go out and get pissed and snog five guys in a nightclub. To me it's just a waste of time. I'm not into drugs and I'm not into going out and randomly snogging people. If I wanted to I could and no-one would know. But at the end of the day I'd much rather go out for dinner or a drink with mates.

What's all this about you wanting to do Playboy?
Totally misquoted. All wrong. My poor father would have a hernia. What I was trying to get across is that I wouldn't rule anything out at the moment. until it's offered to you, you don't know. It could be anything from Blue Peter to Playboy.

I hear your picture's being used on an adverts for "Red light Massage Centre" in Thailand?
Yeah, and the picture they used was from the cover of SKY!

Oops. Sorry.
(Laughs) But you know what I found most offensive about it was when someone rang up the place - the woman on the other end of the phone goes: "Oh yes, we've got lots of girls who look like her." I was like: "Buggers!" that's so mean. Anyway, I went to thailand in July and no one propositioned me, so it can't be that far-reaching.

Have you ever checked yourself out on the internet?
My mother has. Whoa. the weirdest thing was that I was on the cover of The Net magazine. I didn't know anything about it but my mum looks for all my stuff. She'a a lunatic with it. She even tapes every single Saturday morning and edits the cartoons out. Anyway, apparently this thing in The Net was saying my website is the most hit of any female website in the country. Or something like that. But I'm not getting any money for it! I don't even own my own name on the internet - somebody else bought it.

Where do you go out?
I like going out for something to eat. I really like Zilli's (celeb-studded Italian restaurant in Soho) because the owner Aldo always does me spaghetti lobster. I went to Jamie Oliver's restaurant the other day - he cooked for us and came over and had a drink with us afterwards.

Do you ever feel sorry for Emma Ledden for having given her such a (live and) kicking in the ratings?
Not just Emma, Steve as well. the thing is, if you ever see any of our early shows, they were terrible, and make no bones about it. Awful. We can't watch it. We haven't even done that thing yet where you go back and stick the first show on the video for a laugh. they're so bad. We've never quite been drunk enough. I think maybe Emma and Steve were scapegoats for other people. Because you're at the front of the show the finger is always pointed at you.

How ambitious are you? Have you got a grand plan?
It's coming together more. If someone had said to me when I was 18, "You're going to be doing the top saturdy morning Tv show with Ant and Dec, you're going to go on TFI, Chris Evans is going to be presenting with you..." I'd have said, "Oh my God, my world would be complete." But all that happens is your expectations change. You accomplish something and then you go, "What's next?" So I have got a few things in the pipeline... and SKY'll be the first to know. One thing's for sure, though - I'm definitely not planning a singing career.

And your final goal? World domination?
Yes! But gradual. Lulling people into a false sense of security first... and then going in for the kill!

Cat Deeley presents the TV Hits Awards on Sky One on 30 October and SM:tv/CD:UK every Saturday on ITV.

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